welcome to my mind

A Dying Heart!!

2006-09-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

Sitting in class trying to stay awake. Her mind wanders from the computer and the report she is trying to write back to him. No matter way she does, she cant get him out of her mind. He never called, but I guess that's understandable. Hoping that her phone would ring just so she could hear his voice and hear him say everything is going to be ok knowing deep down it will, but what lingers in her head is, what did I do wrong? Is he mad at me or just busy? Wishing somehow she could find out. As she listens to classmates talk aoudly and the teacher helping random students, her mind is no where near the research paper. Her mind is on him. The way he talks to her, listens to her, even the way he kisses her. She wants more than friends. She wants love. Knowing in her heart that she does love him but she doesn't know how to tell him. To know how he feels about her would help so much. She cant concentrate on anything anymore. Just him. No on can relpace the effect he has put on her heart. No one will ever love her the same it seems. Hopefully if things dong go the way she would like they would as least get better for her. How do I stop the pain? How d I guard my heart to where I woulnd get hurt atgain? She is so tired of getting hurt. Is there a way for her to help herself out of falling in love just to get hurt again? She hope that he isn't using her just because she is vonerable.

sitting throughtout the day is hard because he is always sin her mind. She tries to concentrate on her school work but it's inevitable. Her mind wanders back to his face, his touch, his laugh, everything about him. Why do I feel this way? Its not fair. She may love/like him more than he love/like her. If only it could be the same. Have an equal love for accouter. Knowing that it may never be but one can only dream.

she finally got a hold of him last night. They were going to hang out the following day after work she called him again but this time the conversation was kind of short. He hung up in a hurry. She is still confused. She wants to ask him what she did wron but doesn't know how or when. when they hang out the following day, what if they get into something when would she ask before they do anything? After? She wants to know. So she can either work on it or stop trying so hard. He said he would call her last night but he never did. She misses the way he would call her at all hours of the night. It let her know he cared. Now she doesn't know. She hopes he cares, and at least still likes her. But how do you find out or let one know how you/they feel. Wondering if things will ever be the same, or better.

everything she gets hurt she puts up a wall around her heart. He found a way over it and ended up hurting her an din doing so took a piece of her heart. She still cries at night because she misses his 3 am calls, but she know that she fell harder for him than he did for her. She may be furious with him but as soon as he calls her she will forget about what he did and end up getting hurt. She doesn't want to feel this way anymore. She doesn't want to hurt an dcry over him. Why does this pain preside? When will it go away? It might not ever go away. Hopefully it wont last forever. Knowing that she will always like him in some way.

Why?

2006-09-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

As she lay in her bed crying thoughts creeped through her mind. Does he love me? How much? Did I scare him away? What did I do wrong? Every time a question came into her mind she would cry harder. Having been hurt before, she was scared to let someone back into her heart again. But everytime she was with him she felt safe, secure, wanted, needed, and above all, loved. He had called her a couple hours earlier to cancel their plans for the following day. She understood because his brother was coming into town and family always comes first. So they were planning something for Wednesday. That worked, but she kinda wanted to see him that night so she suggested that they hang out in about 2 hours. He said sure. So later on that night she drove the 20-30 minutes to go see him but when she finally got a hold of him he wasn't home. But with a buddy of his. He thought that she wasn't serious about coming over. It hurt her but she said that was fine. He said that he would call her in a couple minutes but he never did. Actually she was still waiting for his call while she lay there. Wondering if it would come. After what she goes through to spend time with him she wanted to be with him. They weren't dating or "going out" but she wanted to. She had this feeling for him that she couldn't explain. A feeling so down deep that sometimes it hurt. She still doesn't know what that feeling is and it was making her think in which was making her cry harder. How so you find out how much someone cares about you? Ask them straight forward? Sometimes that may seem like your being demanding or in a way controlling. Do you drop hints here and there? Maybe, but what do you leave? When do you leave it? Its just so difficult. Why does being a teenager have to hurt so much? I guess no one can really answer this. Its more of a personal question. Finding out what she should do is up to her too. Even though it may hurt she is going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Maybe sooner is better. She'll be able to catch herself before she falls too hard for him. Knowing this will help her in making her decision. eventhough she doesn't want to get hurt again it maybe inevitable.

this is a story of someone you all know. And doesn't know what to do. (btw this is only part of the story. im not finished yet)
love always
abby

I HAVE RETURNED!!!!!!!!

2006-07-25T09:54:00.000-07:00

wow. europe was AMAZING!!!!!! i had so much fun. its great to see that you guys used my blog for personal spaming. lol. i missed you guys. i dont want to go to london or paris again b/c london was expensive and paris was the dirtiest city i have ever seen. ewwww. i loved switzerland and germany though. so peaceful and quite. i like german beer too. lol. idont like wine. tastes bitter. i know this is going to sound weird but i had no temptation tward any guys there. and im single. hannahs dad wanted to know if i was sick your something. lol. well i have to go ill post later and with pics. i took like 700 of them lol. well love always and forever...
abby

WOW its been a while!!!

2006-05-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

ok. i know its been a while.... sorry. i have been so busy with work and school. and i jsut foud out that i have mono. it sucks ASS!!!!! majorly. i have been so tired lately. i sleep all the time. well prom was almost 2 weeks ago. i had fun. my date was Keven Murrow. he is a great guy. i like him but i dont think anything will come of it. and actually i think im done with guys for a while, the whole mono thing. guys just arnt my top priority (sp) at the moment. lol. anyway, what have you guys been up too. i would love to hear from you guys again. nate, ryan, bob. all of you guys. i miss you. ((U)) well g2g.
love always
abby

FORGIVE ME PLEASE!!!!!!

2006-01-30T17:44:00.000-08:00

im really sorry about the lack of posting. its great to know you guys care about me that much. (((U))) for everyone.

i really dont know what to talk about. ummmmm....

i know. wait maybe i dont. it will come to me!!!

Found it....

Valentines day is coming up. and i have never had a boyfriend/date/anything for this day. its kinda depressing..... (btw, im not thinking about hurting/killing my self anymore.)
i really dont get the point of Valentines day anyway. its just another reason for candy companies to see us their addictive candy. ummmmm candy. any way....

im really sorry about the lack of posting (i know i already said that) but please forgive me.
commert on your opionion on the matter.

love always and forever
abby

Im Done

2006-01-05T19:39:00.000-08:00

im seriously done with guys. everytime i get my heart borken. this guy that i was just "friends" with, told me that he didnt want to sleep with me anymore b/c he had been talking to another girl and said that they might start going out. about a 2 weeks ago he told me that he didnt want a girlfriend b/c he is leaving in one month for the navy. then when i asked if we could still be friends and talk every now and then he said "well see." what the fuck is well see. all the thoughts that go through my head when i feel i have no way out, are coming back stronger than ever. i dont know what to do anymore. well im out
later

im back from a weekend of ??????

2006-01-02T17:52:00.000-08:00

well it feels good to be back. i have returned from a weekend in chicago with my dad, step mom, and 4 sisters. its was kool. we went to the midevil knights dinner and tournement(sp). your knight was deffently fine. i went shopping but i really didnt buy anything. it was all WAY too expencive.

ok i have a couple things i want to talk about.

ahem...

in a previous post i mentioned(sp) that one of my friends was thinking about hurting oneself. well i have to come clean. i am that person. i know i said it was a guy but i didnt know how to ask for help. i dont know why i feel this way. sometimes i feel like crying out of now where. and i have had the feeling of hurting my self. i never have but the thought never leaves my head. one of my online friends helps me, i can im or email him when i feel like that. if hes online he will talk me through it if hes not, he emails me back as soon as he can and tells me what he would say if he was talking to me right now. im very thankful for everything he does for me. but i still have these feelings.

i know i said a few things but i cant seem to remember the others. im sure ill think of them sooner or later.
well im out
later
abby

oh my god

2005-12-29T18:17:00.000-08:00

i feel so weird. i just returned from an emergancy trip from texas. my 6 year old cousin, allison, died on christmas eve morning. she had a mental and physical handycap that prevented her from talking, walking, and responding to somethings. i dont know what it is called but all i know is that she didn't have any wrinkles on her brain, which caused her to not remember anything after her seziers(sp). im really going to miss her. we all kept telling ourselves that she is with my grandpa (paw paw) who never got to see her. and since she couldnt talk or walk or anything like that here, we know that she is doing all that right now. she is happy. but ill still miss her.

btw. sorry about the lack of posting, i didnt exactly have a computer down there. well talk to you later.
love always.
abby

sick again.

2005-12-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

im so tired of being sick its not even funny. i have 3 days of school this week and i get sick the first of them. i have to go to school tomorrow b/c i have to give a presentation on gingerbread cookies. but i have to make them today. im so tired. i got 9 hours of sleep last night and im still tired. what is wrong with me.

i need your opionion on something. question #1. what does christmas mean to you? #2. what do you think gingerbread cookies mean in christmas time? and #3. if you could make your own holiday what would you call it and what would it be about?

yes i know that last question is actually two questions but i really dont want to go back and change it. yea im lazy that way.

well ill post more later after i go to work today.
im out.
later

im baaaack.

2005-12-12T19:40:00.000-08:00

sorry about the lack of posts. ive been kinda busy. i have a question for my blog friends. one of my friends has thought about hurting him self. im worried about him. i dont know how to help him. it weird to hear him say that and watch the tears well up in his eyes. im afraid for his health and safety pleas help me.

any way on a happier note, i love you guys. you guys are like my family away from home.

Kristyn i know i havnt posted in a while but thanks for being on my case all the time. i love you like a sister. well g2g
later

hey

2005-12-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

well for the last couple days i have been sick and not going to school. (sorry kristyn). im trying to get better but i just cant seem to pull together.

any way......

as you all know, and if you didnt ill inform you now, i have been saving up for my trip to europe. im so excited. my only problem is that im going to come up short on my last payment. yes i have a job but they keep cutting my hours. and being as im sick i might not go tonight, even though i need the money. but that is beside the point. im taking a 16 day tour fo 7 different countries. i know that im going to be on a schedual but i will have free time. i dont know what to do with that time but any suggestions and ill be forever greatful.

*stares blankly into space*

ok. im having trouble finding a present for my mom for christmas. i got her some candles but that is from me. my sisters want to get her diamond earings but they dont have jobs. so they are expecting to have me pay for it and have them pay me back. well they both are in debt to me any way. i find it pointless. but i want to find a gift that is from all of us but i cant afford alot. yet again any suggestions will be wonderful.

i hope everyone is planning something great for christmas. i think its a great time of year, except for the snow. and gues what. its snowing right now. i hate snow. that means my car wont start and i have to walk to school in the morning. and its too cold. i think right now its 3 degrees. but any way. im going to take a nap. *much needed.*
later
love always
~abby~

A story of love.

2005-11-22T23:07:00.000-08:00

Emily, my best friend in 11th grade, and i were walking around town because we had nothing else to do. Every so often a car with a bunch of guys from our school would drive passed. we would laugh at them and they would flirt back with us. We thought it was fun. One of the guys in the car was Kyle, the guy of my dreams. He was always the one who was out of reach and he always was making me laugh. He didnt know that he did but i had liked him for a while. i thought that he was the one. Emily had told me that we would look really good together.

As Emily and i were walking, Kyle leaned out the window and told me to call him on his cell phone later tonight he had something to ask me. i was really excited and scared. i had a feeling that he was going to ask me something soon but i didnt know what. so Emily and i kept walking around just talking, mainly about guys and how our last exam went.

When 5 o'clock rolled around i walked Emily home and wished her a good night. she said, "good luck with finding out what Kyle has to say." i said, "thanks," and walked home. when i got there i called Kyle and we talked for two hours about today's events. i asked him waht he had to ask me and he was silent for a minute. then he said, "Gabby, i love you and i would like you to go to prom with me." i said, "yes!" so the next friday we went out to dinner and a movie. i was so excited to actually be going out with the guyu of my dreams. the way that we talked and the way he held my hand it all felt right. i went and bought a dress the next day. it was blue with lots of sparkles. he told me that he didnt have a tux yet and was going to wait till a couple weeks before prom to get one. i said ok but they will be expensive. he said oh well, money is no problem. i asked waht color of a wext he was going to get. he said that he didnt know and was just going to get waht they had available, even though he knew what color my dress was. it felt like a slap in the face. but i let it pass over my head,

i told my best guy friend Gary, about Kyle and he seemed confused by why i wanted to go out witha jock. i trusted his opionion but i decided to let it pass over my head.

i saw Kyle every day, in school and we hung out after school weather it was a movie or just talking. i loved the time we spent together but i had a feeling that he was hiding something from me. i didnt worry about it too much because i liked him.

Prom was just around the corner and i asked him if he had gotten his tux yet. he said, "no, but i will soon. what color is your dress again?" i told him it was blue with sparkles for the last time. he surgged his sholders and gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he would call me later that night. i said goodbye and went inside. Gary called me at 9:30 that night and asked if Kyle was there. i said, "no because he had some homework to do."

Gary seemed to hesitate when i said this. "Gabby, i have something to tell you. Kyle is hanging all over this girl at the bowling alley right now. i didnt want to tell you to be mean but i just dont want you to get hurt."

i sat there for a minute then i said to him, "Gary i know you mean well but Kyle would never do that to me."

we sat there and talked for a while about the dance and what my dress looked like. i got a beep in on my phone and i sad goodnight to Gary.

when i answered the phone to here Kyle's voice, i felt excited, but Gary's words stayed in my head. Kyle was in a noisy place and i could hear his friends in the background. many of them were arguing about pizza and where they were going to take their dated after the dance. Kyle told me to meet him at his locker before school sowe could talk. i felt weird and kind of scared. i didnt know what he was going to say. before he hung up i heard one of his friends say, "i cant believe she actually thinks you like her." i felt like crying.

i called Gary back and asked him to come over to my house because i needed someone to talk to. he was there in less than five minutes. we talked for hours and planned on how i was goning to embarass Kyle like he did me. Gary and i stayed up late talking and we came up with a good plan. i would break up with him before he could get a word in. the next day i went up to his locker and before he said a word i yelled, "how could you do this to me. i cant believe you put me through this humility. i never want to see your face again!!!" i actually started crying and i ran to Gary and i cried for hours. we didnt even go to class because we just talked. after a while he held me close and said, "Gabby i love you with all my heart. will you go to prom with me?" i said, "yes. i love you too."

the next day he bought a tux witha vest to match my dress. we went to the dance and after the dance he kissed me like i have never been kissed before. we spent the rest of our high school career together and we even went to the same college together. i will always love him.

well this is my story.. i would love your comments. so have at it.
im out.
later

meh

2005-11-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

i didnt feel like going to school today after the chamber choir recored for channel 6. my blood sugar was low and i was really tired. i hope that i dont have to much make up work to do. all i know is lady is going to kill me tomarrow b/c i have to go talk to the DOT officer about my ticket during her class. which gives me no time to work on my short story which is due soon. but i kinda know what i want to happen in the story.

*stairs blankly into space*

i hate winter. it is snowing right now and i hate driving, walking and anything relating to snow right now, its to fucking cold. i just got out of a HOT shower and if any one calls me i will totally blow them off. i dont get service in my house wo i have to go out side to talk on the phone....... it totally sux.

*hopes a new subject to rant about comes to mind*

damn nothing.. well i g2g
later
love always

hi everybody

2005-11-13T19:12:00.000-08:00

hey yet again im really sorry that i havent posted in a while, i have been working my butt off. litterally. i went from a 24 to an 18 pants in 2 months. i feel so happy now. i also have been spending time with my old friend tom who ha finally decided to stop using drugs. im really proud of him. its great to have heard from everyone while i was off singing my heart out. have you guys ever seen charlie and the chocolate factory, the new one. i have seen it 6 times in thaters and i now own it in DVD. i love that movie but it is not a good as the first, yeah it is really good but you cant replace the original. any way.... how have all you guys been. i really miss you guys. i am now going to consider you guys as my personal srinks. yup. i have followed my friends advice and i broke up with sean. i kinda feel bad now but it had to be done. i also dont like the little freshmen that i used to. they are being kinda dicks. my friend ashley and dan are trying to set me up with a guy named aric. the only thing that kinda weirds me out about this is his mom used to babysit me. i have known him for a long time and we have always been friends. they have got their hearts set on us hooking up. i really dont mind but he is a freshmen and dosent drive or anything like that. i dont know if he is my type. but whatever they say. i guess. and kristyn its aric russer. the really strong and hairy freshmen. you know him. he is a great guy and everything but im 17 and they want me to go out with a 14 or 15 year old. *thinks... hey ive been in this situation before* but yeah. ummm..... do i have anything to bitch about tonight.

*thinking really hard*

nope nothing. man i really need to stop thinking that hard i tend to get headachs. lol. well i have to help my mom gey into bed. she had suergy on friday. gallbladder removal. (yes i cant spell, sue me.)
later

love always
abby

im really sorry

2005-11-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

im sorry i havent posted in a while. i really missed you guys. ive been at play practice. i have to sing by my self in front of EVERYONE. im really scared. well i have resolved almost all of my problems and sean called me today after school. i was really surprised. well sorry for the short post but tonight is opening night and i have to go to the school and get my make up on then its show time. well im out.
love always

YEAH

2005-10-18T22:43:00.000-07:00

sean and i are talking again. im so excited. now for my next delima..

at work i had a sexual relationship with and everyone found out. well on sunday there was almost a fight about it. today i over heard monica(my boss) and dena (dq's boss). talking about what happened, being as neither of them were there. i walked across to get stock and they kept mentioning my name and finally i got called over and they started talking to me about it. they asked me if i knew what the argument was about and they told me that i was a big part of it.
well i knew that already and i couldnt understand why they were butting into something that was not their buisness. but come to find out that someone is going to get into trouble. kyle almost punched jon and that is who is mainly involved. (the only reason im involved is i had sex with kyle) and now jon is saying shit he dosnt need to be saying. when jon said something about me it hit a nerve in kyle, and he threatened jon. he didnt do anything but still. i feel as if it is something i did and its all my fault. well i called kyle as soon as i got off work and told him what i heard. he said he knew and i told him that i thought it was my fault and he said no. it was what jon said to him to prevoke him. i yelled at jon so much sunday night and he hasnt said anything to me lately but i know what he is thinking. any way. i just dont know what im going to do about all of this. i dont want either of them to get fired b/c i still am friends with both. i just dont know what to do.
im out.
later
~abby~

WOW reall tired!

2005-10-13T22:51:00.000-07:00

yeah so at work i was in a really good mood. tward the end of my shift i got really tired. now let me exlain what happens when i get tired.

1.) i get really giggly and laugh ALOT
2.) i soon start to slow down and get kinda quiet.
3.) i get really giggly again and this time i dont stop.

yeah so now im really tired (like in 2.)
*stares blankly into the abiss*

oh yeah, what i was going to say is... im going to have dinner with sean tomarrow. im going up to the truckstop where we work and im going to have dinner with him on his brake. im so happy..

yeah so i have physical theropy tomarrow and Eric is going to kill me. i hit my knees on something at work and now i can hardly move the left one. unless i sit down. if im standing they hurt. ill have to wear my braces tomarrow.

ooo. i want cookies. umm cookies. i had cherry chesecake today. it was AWESOME!!!

ok i have a question. this is nothing personal or anything i just want some other oppions about the subject. first, premarital sex. i have absolutly no problem with it, but some do.
second, marrage in general. i have no problem commiting to that. (no im not getting married any time soon.) im only 17.

well abby need sleep now.
later

now im in a pickle

2005-10-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

ok here is what has been going on. Sean and i have been going out for 2.5 months and i have had a really good time with him. but lately i have had the feeling of being ignored. i dont like that feeling. he hasent called me or returned my phone calls. but evey once in a while he comes up with suprises that make me belive i love him. i know its brobably not true b/c i have been in love once and i dont think im over him yet. i dont think i will ever be over him. but that is beside the point.... ok where was i ... oh yes sean.
take today for example, he cme up to work on his day off to see me. he lives 30 mins away and he came to see me. we talked for a little while being as i was at work but when he left he kept looking over his shoulder and smiling at me.

now i know i have a boyfriend but there are other guys that i like.. here is a list (kristyn you can put your 2 cents in if you must...

1.) Sean 1
2.) john klopp jr. 5
3.) brandon rasdon 6
4.) aaron weaver 9
5.) steven blanchard 10
6.) steven yoeger 7
7.) nathen (kristyn knows who im talking about) 8
8.) travis argo 2
9.) jacob McFadon 3
10.) dan cunningham 4

ok now i know that if ashley found this list she would KILL me. so keep your mouth shut.. by the way the list is in no particular order but im going to write in color ink the numbers in which they follow.

ok well now that i got that out of my system...

well im done for tonight.
later

this was my weekend

2005-10-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

Hey. im back and ready for action.

well this is how my weekend went.

Friday:
went to school for like 2 hours and had to leave for physical theropy and when that was over i went to go get my passport for my europe trip this summer. i didnt go back to school so i went to my moms work to hang out with all my friends (her friends that she works with). i had to go get my sister from volleyball practice, then i went to my dads house where he told me that i was lucky that i was only grounded for getting a ticket. yeah well im not irrisponsible or anything.

Saturday:
i had marching band from 12:00pm to 2:30 and then i went mini golfing and to dinner with dad and step mom and sisters. kinda fun but kinda not.

Sunday:
i had to work. end of story.

you know what i really dont like is when i get my hours cut b/c the manager who does the schedual dosent know her facts.

i absoutly dispise the system of the government. it just pisses me off that they just want us to be something we are not. take government barbie for example. i want to burn her hair and rip her head off. ok now that i got that out of my system. havent you ever realized that they are trying to make us think that we are not good enough for this society and they want us to mutate ourselves into what they think is ideal, or perfect. well i have news for you. this is who i am and i like it. im not the average girl. im not just going to sit here and let them do this to every child around. *shakes fists at sky* damn you socity!!! i just think the world is going to hell and i know we dont have to have any wars to figure it out.

ok another question; if they are telling us that we are winning the war on terror, why are we still there bombing the place? or even better yet, why are we in a war that has been going on sinse before we were born and nobody has done anything this drastic to hold them off.

kristyn im going to steel your topic for a min. i think that one day (maybe not now or maybe tomarrow) we are going to get bombed and the governmet know it. the major contries around us have nucs and they know that we do too. if one country decides to launch one they all will and there will be no more us or anything. yeah so thats a blow below the belt for ya.

so now that i have said my 2 bits tonoght im going to bed

later

school sucks

2005-10-06T15:24:00.000-07:00

yes i said school sucks and i give up on it. im never going to pass chemistry or spanish so they can go fuck them selves.

ok now that i got that out of my system, can i just quit school? i want to go to only the first 2 hours. that way i would only be going to band and choir, i love them so.

band geeks will one day rule the world!!!
bwahahahaha!!

that is my saying. and its true, right kristyn! well i still dont know what im going to do about sean. he hasent called me back in 3 damn days and when i did get to call him he was irritated which was irritating me. grrrr. i really like this freshman but he dosent really have his guy voice yet but he is kool. yes he still a virgin and im used to virgins so it dosent bother me any well g2g to work. talk later
abby

this kinda sucks

2005-10-04T12:12:00.000-07:00

i have been going out with sean for about 2 months. we still havent done anything but a peck kiss and im not used to that. yeaterday he never called me but gave me a good reason, but today i called him and left a message for him to call me back. well he didnt and so i called him on my brake and he said that he was sorry and that if he sounded upset it wasent at me but at something that was happening at school but he said it was confidential and wouldnt tell me. and i respect that it is none of my bisness but i kinda get the feeling that it is about me and he is not telling me. i mean i like the guy alot but i guess he is not my type. i dont know.ive thought about breaking up with him but we usually work about the same times so i would always see him and i kinda feel guilty b/c i so like him just not the pace he is moving. my parents like him and he never gets into trouble, maybe that is it he is not a rebel like guy. but he treats me like a guy is suposed to treat a girl. he respects me for who i am and not what i do. i guess i just confused. i need to think on it for a while. if you have any suggustions ill gladly take them.

about last night

2005-10-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

well last night was homecoming for durant and for north scott, i went to north scotts with my boyfriend. i was fun and everything till we got to the dance. i was haveing some fun but he wasnt. he didnt even dance with me. i kinda feel like crying but i wont. i also go to me his friends. ashley is kool and so is ty. i also got to meet a guy named zach. he is one of seans friends and i didnt mean to but i kinda flirted with him when sean wasent around, yeah he kept disappering on me. but anyway i kinda like zach but him and sean got into an argument and i think he left before i could talk to him much. i kinda dont know what to do. help if you can.

finally

2005-09-18T00:18:00.000-07:00

well tonight i finally got my first kiss from sean. (not my reall first kiss but you get the point) it was great. i guess i really havent had a good kiss in a long while. i was afraid that he wouldnt even consider it because kristi and taylor were there. but he did. i really like him and i dont want to screw this up. yea

BIG PROBLEM

2005-09-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

over the past few days i have been talking to my friends from texas and i cant wait to meet them over thanksgiving. but i have been thinking a lot about sean. i just cant get him out of my head. i dont get to see him alot and when we do there is always someone else there. take this weekend for example. kristi wanted to go to the drive in with me and sean, and she wanted to take cory. well cory cant come and she still wants to go. even though she dosent have a date. i kinda want it to be just me and him and i know she will be like a third wheel b/c i havent seen him in a while. would like to be "alone" with him at some point. i really dont know what to say to her or do i just let her go with us and be. i wont desert her but he wont do anything with me if someone else is there. trust me i know. please help me out.

ok good stuff

2005-09-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

well a couple weeks ago i met this really sweet guy. his name is sean and i really like him. we started going out and how he is taking me to his homecoming? first i dont know what kind of dress i want or what i need. second i have to find him a shirt. he said blue and i think i can work with it. what color dress should i get. im so lost and confused. please help me out!!!
and i dont know how to tell him that im not a virgin anymore. i dont wat to just bring it up or anything. but it is really bothering me that i dont think he knows.. grrrrrrrr! HELP!!

about that night

2005-08-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

well i went to a party and he came with me. we talked and he said that he didnt really think about the question which kinda hurt me but not really. well that night i had really low blood sugar and i was really weak. he was always there for me and then he drove home. when we got to my house i gave him his stuff from the passenger seat and he gave me a really big hug and told me to get better and then he said that he would be back when he changed his clothes. he was back in about 20 min. he asked if i was better and i said yes. from then on brandon and him come out to my house every night to hang out. i just hoped he would have said yes because i feel there is no one out there waiting for me and i was hoping that he was at least one of the guys that would not break my heart.

what should i do

2005-08-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

over the last few months, my mind has had a lot to do. at the begining of the summer i still loved my ex boyfriend. (that is so over now). then about a month ago i started dating a 26 year old guy who has a 4 year old son. i know what your thinking, what is a 16 almost 17 year old doing dating a 26 year old. i know it sounds stupid and everything and i know i should have listened to all my friends because they all told me he was bad news. well i dumped him a few days ago and i was scared to do it but i really didnt like anymore. while i was telling him that it was over he totally shut off all emotion and it really scared me. by the way this guy told me that i was the one and that he loved me like no other and i was really getting tiredof of hearing this. i know what i did was wrong and im sorry to all the people who told my it was not a good situation to be in and i didnt listen to them.now there is some one new. his name is jordan and he is 17 i asked him if he liked me and he said maybe. then i asked him if he would go out with me and he said maybe. but after a while he finally atmitted to me that he likes me. we kissed for the first time last night and it was not a full kiss but it was one that ment something to me i hope it has for him to.